This is for my entertainment, not yours.
Er. Is that a bib?
It's a potholder. I didn't read the enclosed note, but I'm sure it said something about how, like this potholder, Jerome Horton would protect me from the scalding (des)pots who currently control equalization. I don't even know what the board of equalization is.
I think I might choke on my laughter and die!